in a little while

it's been a while since my last post,
nah...it's been a year

nothing much changes, and that might be the problem
what's the point of keep doing the same routine over and over again?
yet it is always me who's been the problem

lack of motivation, lack of desire

this blog was meant to be my vehicle, to learn and practice how to write. yet my skill has gone nowhere. a step back i supposed.
my english are not getting better
my paper has not been written
i add zero in my spanish vocabulary
I have no idea about what and how should I write

I understand and fully aware that there's a lot of thing I do not know, that what I know is just a handful sand compare to the desert of knowledge along the history of mankind, yet I haven't done a thing to move forward, to grow.

Continue reading →

Nothingness

At some point, something must have come nothing

Everytime I heard about some terorist act, I always think about where is in this world, a place that I could be lived safely in. Just like when I heard about the Charlie Hedbo attack. Phillipe Val, an editor at Charlie Hedbo said "Today I am practically all alone, all my friends are gone. And this was not for a bad cause, it was so that we all could live, so that kids were free to come and go, and say silly things, without danger"

The victim of this attack were the people who write for years, and just in a second, they have gone. I always think about how much someone have done, how someone works affects on so many people, how someone presence changes another life, and at one point, they just have gone. Their works remain but at one point their life stop going but the world still goes on. 

There are many people who works hard just for food for their family from day to night, but when it stop, it feels like their life is meaningless, since the world and the family move on with their life. For some famous people who did great things, whose works was remembered by the rest of the world, I feel kinda bizare, what is life since the person have gone but their works still on. It feels like their presence was bias, like they are alive but not.

It's freaking me out

Continue reading →

Mimpi jangka pendek

(berhubung besok harus mencari-cari dan menterjemahkan peraturan ke bahasa Indonesia yang sesuai EYD, maka post ini pake bahasa  Indonesia ajah)

Kenapa patung pak tani diletakkan di Menteng?

karena kalo di Gambir nanti mudik terus. kapan nyangkulnya?

5,5 tahun mengerjakan hal yang sama di tempat yang sama membuat otak dan badan saya mengalami kebosanan tingkat tinggi. 10 out of 10. Film dan novel pun tak lagi mempan mengusir kebosanan ini. Buktinya? salonpas di sekujur tubuh dan perut yang semakin membumbung. Kerja dan kuliah ketika teman-teman sebaya masih main-main. Yup, terdengar tidak bisa bersyukur memang, meski dipikir-pikir kalau ga kerja sejak umur 19 tahun mau dapat uang darimana? hiii... 5,5 tahun mengerjakan dan mempelajari hal yang sama sayangnya tidak membuat saya lebih pintar daripada saya 5,5 tahun yang lalu. hmm..... jangan ngomongin kerja dan kuliah terus deh, makin bosen. Berhubung senin-jumat sudah jadi jatahnya kerja dan kuliah (duduk cantik dengan acting penuh perhatian mendengarkan dosen ), sabtu jatah les dan bobo siang. minggu juga bobo siang dan pacaran atau acara keluarga atau ke gereja kalau bisa bangun pagi, jadi kali ini sampai berandai-andai dulu deh kira-kira apa yang ingin dilakukan kalau punya waktu luang lebih banyak lagi.

• Olahraga atau apapun yang menuntut badan ini terus bergerak

Mungkin belajar nari tanggo atau salsa, ikutan yoga atau aerobik, atau minimal jogging di lapangan banteng dan muterin ragunan secara rutin deh, mau belajar tennis harus ada partnernya soalnya. Banyaknya baju yang semakin tidak muat ketika anggaran untuk beli baju mengecil, lemak yang semakin mengganggu dan membatasi kebebasan duduk dan berfoto dengan pose yang variatif, serta banyaknya salonpas yang semakin tidak mempan melawan nyeri otot dan salah urat dimana-mana ini sepertinya harus sesegera mungkin diatasi.

• Ngajar

duuh......ini mimpi yang sudah terlalu lama dimimpikan tanpa ada ancang-ancang untuk segera dimulai. Keburu tua nih. Setiap terlintas niat untuk mengajar, diikuti juga pemikiran-pemikiran "emang mau ngajar apa?IP aja pas-pasan. Ekonomi kuliahnya cuma ngejar absen dan jangan sampai dapat C. Ngajar matematika sudah terlanjur menguap ilmu dan kemampuan berpikir logisnya. Ngajar bahasa Inggris, score TOEFL kemarin juga karena ditopang doa yang segunung". Mau ngajar apa dong?

• Belajar Jahit

Ongkos jahit dan permak yang melambung semakin tinggi di tanah Jakarta ini sudah sampai pada taraf yang mengkhawatirkan, meskipun tanpa kenaikan tersebut tetap ada keinginan untuk bisa menjahit karena mupeng setiap baca blog yang berisi tutorial untuk bikin proyek diy-diy gitu. Lumayan juga kalau sampe bisa bikin sesuatu yang bagus dan bisa dipakai orang lain. Minimal menghemat pengeluaran untuk beli kado lah. Lebih mupeng lagi kalau bisa jadi sumber arus kas tambahan. duit....duit....duit....(membayangkannya saja sungguh menenteramkan jiwa). Sayangnya jiwa ini tak  lagi tenteram ketika melihat harga mesin jahit. mohon doanya ya supaya saya bisa mencicilnya

• Belajar bikin kue

Mirip-mirip dengan belajar jahit yang termotivasi dari blog tetangga yang keren-keren, keinginan untuk meningkatkan penghasilan dan menurunkan pengeluaran untuk beli kue jika ada yang ulang tahun dan pengeluaran untuk jajan, serta kecintaan terhadap makanan yang terlalu mendalam. Alangkah indahnya juga kalau bisa jadi usaha. hmm..... jajan gratis, dapet duit lagi. Semua itu terbentur lagi dengan kenyataan bahwa saya tidak punya dapur sendiri yang mumpuni. yaah, rumah saja mahalnya selangit gimana caranya mau punya dapur?

• Belajar bahasa Spanyol

Agak ngawur memang. Entah tujuannya juga apa. Toh fabregas sudah saya lupakan sejak dia mengkhianati cinta saya dengan memutuskan untuk kembali ke Barcelona. Bahasa korea pun tak apa-apa lah, siapa tau bisa belajar melampiaskan kekesalan kepada Yong Dae oppa yang tega mengalahkan Hendra/Ahsan di depan mata saya sendiri. Sayangnya situs pembelajaran bahasa asing gratis yang mumpuni seperti duolingo (gratis yang terbaik menurut saya) masih terbatas untuk bahasa-bahasa tertentu. 

Setelah dibaca-baca lagi angan-angan di atas, sepertinya saya kebanyakan "tapi". Kapan mulainya nih nggi?

Continue reading →

The Prophet

I've just finished reading The Prophet written by Khalil Gibran (the Indonesian translation version off course). What an awesome book!! feeling kinda sad that it waited for 24 years in my life to read this book. Although I don't understand the meaning of most of the words in it, but some story just stabed me right to my heart. Here's a bit of it :

You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.”

The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your

pasture.

They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.

Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights is

worthy of all else from you.

And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves

to fill his cup from your little stream.

And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in

the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving?

And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil

their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride

unabashed?

That is exactly what I've been thinking for the whole of my life. I don't want and I don't need to give to the people who are richer, healthier, or more prosperous than I am because I think my help or gift never mean a thing for them. It happens a lot since I take public transportation when there's so many beggar annoyed the passanger. They keep saying things like " 1000 rupiahs won't make you poor, so we better asked you for it than we commit a crime to get it" and I'm like "hallooo....I've been working like from 7 a.m to 5 p.m, studied economics, and get home by 10 pm just to do another office or campus assignment and you've just talked around and hoping for money. daaaah...."

I know, sounds so mean.

And then yeah, reading this book awakes me. Who am I to judge for I've been blessed by so many people around me.

Happy reading

Continue reading →