in a little while

it's been a while since my last post,
nah...it's been a year

nothing much changes, and that might be the problem
what's the point of keep doing the same routine over and over again?
yet it is always me who's been the problem

lack of motivation, lack of desire

this blog was meant to be my vehicle, to learn and practice how to write. yet my skill has gone nowhere. a step back i supposed.
my english are not getting better
my paper has not been written
i add zero in my spanish vocabulary
I have no idea about what and how should I write

I understand and fully aware that there's a lot of thing I do not know, that what I know is just a handful sand compare to the desert of knowledge along the history of mankind, yet I haven't done a thing to move forward, to grow.

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Evil me

People have the tendency to remember their Creator in every step they take in fortuneless moment, and forget when everythings just doing great without any problems. I'm one of this kind. Whether it is creepy or just the way it is, everytime I forget the Creator, everything turns worst. I came up with this kind of thought in high school, and this cycle keep happening. Prays a lot-pray get granted-everything's great-forget to pray-keep unlucky-prays a lot again. It hasn't change to now on.

"aku bisa membuatmu jatuh cinta kepadaku meski kau tak cinta kepadaku" 

I'm so into this lyrics. Well, it works for me for almost 4 years. just like Paulo Coelho said "when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it". There aren't many things that make us do our best to achieve a goal, just like this uninterested F/S analysis and essay proposal pre-presentation :). But when we do really want something, we'll try our best to get it and hell yeah, we'll get it. It took 3 years for me to make my dream come true before it starts falling apart. 

What's the point?
To make us realize that there is something bigger than us? There is destiny, there is path for everyone to take that has written long before our existence? What the heck, what happen to Paulo Coelho quote? What's so many inspirational quotes for?

About a years ago, when i started working for this new institution and got a higher salary, I couldn't be thankful for that, for my collegues got much higher than I got. I complained and looked for any schemes to get a better salary, but I got nothing. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, but that time, I gave up. Its 7 people against the system. I think I got what I deserve because it was actually enough for me. For funding my study, even for funding my brother's school. Looking at my collegues salaries wouldn't raise my own salary.hupfh

I remember in one of sunday edition of kompas, in parodi column, written by Samuel Mulia (one of my favourite), he was aksing for the phenomenon when so many people in this country dump his/her lover because of the reason : "he/she is too good for me". Doesn't it absurb that we don't want something/someone good for us? I think it is. It's in our nature to be greedy, to be selfish, to want the best for ourselves. It might be wrong, but I think thats what really happen. When one of my friend said " cruel isn't my thing", I think like ..... so many question marks. haha. I am cruel, I can't give a shit about people who did me wrong, even though I'll do my best for people I love. Yeah, this post sounds wrong, far far away from what Jesus teached. There's so much evil in me. Still alay in 24.

Fellas, when your lover dump you by saying that you're just too good for her/him, you shouldn't buy it. Just like Fitri tropika pray in Indonesia lawak club tonight, "ya tuhan, jika dia memang jodohku, mohon dekatkanlah padaku. namun jika dia bukan jodohku, dekatkanlah dia padamu"

please don't take this advice :0

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