Evil me

People have the tendency to remember their Creator in every step they take in fortuneless moment, and forget when everythings just doing great without any problems. I'm one of this kind. Whether it is creepy or just the way it is, everytime I forget the Creator, everything turns worst. I came up with this kind of thought in high school, and this cycle keep happening. Prays a lot-pray get granted-everything's great-forget to pray-keep unlucky-prays a lot again. It hasn't change to now on.

"aku bisa membuatmu jatuh cinta kepadaku meski kau tak cinta kepadaku" 

I'm so into this lyrics. Well, it works for me for almost 4 years. just like Paulo Coelho said "when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it". There aren't many things that make us do our best to achieve a goal, just like this uninterested F/S analysis and essay proposal pre-presentation :). But when we do really want something, we'll try our best to get it and hell yeah, we'll get it. It took 3 years for me to make my dream come true before it starts falling apart. 

What's the point?
To make us realize that there is something bigger than us? There is destiny, there is path for everyone to take that has written long before our existence? What the heck, what happen to Paulo Coelho quote? What's so many inspirational quotes for?

About a years ago, when i started working for this new institution and got a higher salary, I couldn't be thankful for that, for my collegues got much higher than I got. I complained and looked for any schemes to get a better salary, but I got nothing. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, but that time, I gave up. Its 7 people against the system. I think I got what I deserve because it was actually enough for me. For funding my study, even for funding my brother's school. Looking at my collegues salaries wouldn't raise my own salary.hupfh

I remember in one of sunday edition of kompas, in parodi column, written by Samuel Mulia (one of my favourite), he was aksing for the phenomenon when so many people in this country dump his/her lover because of the reason : "he/she is too good for me". Doesn't it absurb that we don't want something/someone good for us? I think it is. It's in our nature to be greedy, to be selfish, to want the best for ourselves. It might be wrong, but I think thats what really happen. When one of my friend said " cruel isn't my thing", I think like ..... so many question marks. haha. I am cruel, I can't give a shit about people who did me wrong, even though I'll do my best for people I love. Yeah, this post sounds wrong, far far away from what Jesus teached. There's so much evil in me. Still alay in 24.

Fellas, when your lover dump you by saying that you're just too good for her/him, you shouldn't buy it. Just like Fitri tropika pray in Indonesia lawak club tonight, "ya tuhan, jika dia memang jodohku, mohon dekatkanlah padaku. namun jika dia bukan jodohku, dekatkanlah dia padamu"

please don't take this advice :0

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Semarang

akhirnya.....setelah sekian lama berniat untuk nulis, tercapai juga hari ini, ketika seharusnya bikin analisis lkt

zing .... berikut reportase paling berkesan dari perjalanan ke semarang dalam rangka pernikahan bff :)

dikarenakan waktu yang terbatas, hanya sempat menikmati soto khas semarang, ke klenteng sam po kong, katedral dan lawang sewu. 

Lawang sewu, yang akhirnya saya kunjungi setelah tinggal di semarang ketika oma masih ada dan berkali-kali bolak-balik Semarang, dan baru menyadari bahwa lawang sewu itu museum, berhubung lebih banyaknya cerita hantu dibandingkan fakta sejarah yang beredar tentang lawang sewu. 

sekilas patung di klenteng sam po kong

Lentera semacam yang dipake hagrid

akhirnya ketemu telegram

Mesin untuk mencetak karcis

peta jalur kereta di tahun 1925, yang sepertinya tetap sama sampai sekarang

 

 

di tahun 1925, Belanda, yang sayangnya menjajah bangsa ini, sudah punya master plan untuk membangun kereta di Sumatera, Kalimantan, bahkan Sulawesi. bisa jadi keponakan saya tidak perlu liburan ke jakarta untuk naik kereta. sekitar tahun lalu mengunjungi Sumatera Barat, rel kereta dan jembatan, bahkan terowongan untuk rel kereta api, masih berdiri gagah. sayangnya selama 3-4 hari disana, tak satu pun kereta yang melintas. katanya sih memang sudah tidak ada kereta yang beroperasi, hanya kereta wisata yang samar-samar juga informasinya. terpikir betapa banyak kemudahan kalau kereta beroperasi di sumatera, bahkan sulawesi, yang daerahnya berbukit-bukit. pasti ga perlu pusing selama 1 jam lebih dari kampung saya ke Manado :) 

fyi : tiket masuk lawang sewu Rp 10.000,00 per orang dewasa. ketika masuk pasti akan ditawarin pemandu, jasanya Rp 30.000,00. saya sih sudah pasti ga ikutan, mental hemat (meringis), jadi kurang ngerti kira-kira informasi apa yang bisa diberikan pemandu. walau begitu, menurut saya informasi yang tersedia cukup banyak di lawang sewu koq, bahkan ada dalam bentuk film. sayangnya lagi, selama hampir 1 jam saya di lawang sewu dan terkagum-kagum dengan sejarah bangsa ini, banyak wisatawan domestik seumuran, bahkan lebih muda yang lebih sibuk berfoto-foto, ngobrol, dan pacaran (interupsi ngelus dada).

Whats the point of going to the museum and tour guide??

saya pikir, dunia ini jauh lebih besar dari hidup kita masing-masing, emang ga penasaran gimana dunia sebelum kita ada dan setelah kita ga ada nanti?

(berharap diajak doraemon pake mesin waktu)

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One of my friend told me "You looks so happy" and I'm kinda thinking im my mind "yeah, why would I be unhappy?"

And just after lunch that day I started to complain about my job and my life to another friend. Then this another friend said "maybe you're not being grateful enough"

Yup, it stab me right on my heart. Gratitude has been my homework for ages, and yet, getting older didn't help at all. It upseting me that I can't be better after all of these year. 

I came up with a list of my deficiencies about few years ago, realized it, and keep trying to change it. I've been reading the bible (yeah, the bible. even it's not very often), made a note of the homily, and read some spiritual books. I had a bunch of good words, advices, and quote about how to be a better person, how to ruled out the hatred, grumble, sloth, and how to think and behave positively, and those good things do not change me at all. I put on some zen quote wallpaper in my computer and started a day by singing or listening to some religious song. Morning has broken, amazing grace, nderek dewi maria, Tuhan sumber gembiraku, balas cinta bagi sesama, you name it. I've been thinking that if I start a day in a good and positive thought, then the rest of the day should be easier. But it wasn't. The positive thinking only lasted a few moments until I keep murmur, hate, curse, and the bad words started to come out. 

It's frustrating to know that I realized that as the bible said " whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trustedwith much" and I'm keep telling myself that I shouldn't murmur but trust and wait for the God's time, but everyday goes with a complain about my job. I've been doing the same thing for 5 years and I've been studying but  the graduation hasn't come. I'm just fed up with this routine and waiting to for the changes while my friend went to Korea for a holiday and I'm not even allowed to take a week off. give me a break!!

I've just finished reading the Allegiant, the last book of divergent series and I'm aware that I hate the book because the heroine looks just like me. Well, the heroine should be good, right? she's going to give an example for any reader around the world. How could be a heroine with hatred, seeking for revenge and cannot be able to forgive? yeah, that's just me, that's just another people around the world. But the book has a point. It says that "everyone has some evil inside them, and the first step to loving anyone is to recognize the same evil in ourselves, so we’re able to forgive them" 

How could I forgive myself for being such this awful person? 

Another attempt to be a better person

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dystopian novel

I've been reading 3 dystopian series, The Hunger Games, Book of Ember, and Divergent. I'm currently reading the Allegiant, the last book of the Divergent series, and found the similarity among those books. I read the Hunger Games first, and then the Book of Ember. I've never read the Battle Royale, a Koushun Takami's novel before, so the idea of the hunger games seems new to me. but one of my friend told me that the idea of game in the Hunger Games is similar to the game in Battle Royale.

So far, I think that the Divergent series's ideas are the combination of the hunger games and the Book of Ember. it has the same idea about the upcoming system after the big war, when people get separated by their similar characteristic in particular community. In hunger games people get seperated by their specific commodity to complement 1 central district, and in Divergent, people get separated by the value they want to practice in their life and support the others community. the Divergent has the same idea with the Book of Ember about the life outside the heroine's community, both take place over the ruin of The United States. I'm highly recommending the Book of Ember for kids and the Hunger Games for the teenagers, but quite dissapointed about the Divergent, particulary because of ther are so much unnecessary intimate scene between tris and tobias. haha.  waiting for might coming supprises in the last book that could possibly change my perception. 

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